Heart's Desire
by Making it Shine
Summary: Set during Weddings, Parties, Anything. Her entire life Ellie had never gotten what her heart truly desire, but will she tonight? My thoughts on how this episode should have gone. Crellie/mentions of Cranny.


**Ok, so this is my first Degrassi fanfiction, so don't expect that best Crellie one-shot or anything. But I've been watching the old episodes of TNG and I just can't get over how much I love Crellie. I hope you enjoy this and any feedback would be greatly appreciated:)**

**Disclamier: I DO NOT own Degrassi TNG or any of the characters. This is simply a story of my imagination. **

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Ever since I could remember, I've always been let down. Never having the pleasure of getting anything I wanted. I know that sounds like a spoiled child who has a fit over not getting their favorite candy, but it's not like that at all. All I ever wanted in life, was to be loved. To love and have that love be equally returned. My dad was an amazing dad. He worked so hard playing the cards of life everyday to protect the country. But it's always hard to love something or to be loved by something that was so far away. Not being able to see him everyday was something I had gotten used to, no matter how much I hated it.

I tried to hate my mother. Why should I love her? All she did was drink herself to death. So sometimes I thought, well why the hell not? Her husband was away all the time, but did she forget she had a daughter? A daughter that loved her so much and that was pained when she came home from school to see her passed out on the couch with multiple bottles of vodka lining the floor. I tried to hate my mother, and I think I do to some extent. Having to pick up bottles and look after her day after day, as if _I_ were _her_ mother. I had found it easier to lock myself away in my room than to wait for her to even notice my presence. I couldn't find love anywhere. No love from my parents, I barely had friends, and who would want to date a sarcastic goth girl? Not anyone at Degrassi. Especially after Marco had finally decided to come out of the closet. I received no love, and so hatred began to come. I hated my dad for being away all the time, I hated my mom for drinking her sorrows down, I hated myself for not being strong enough. That's were the cutting came in. I had finally had a release from the hate, and somehow I began to love it. I loved the feeling of freeing the hate through cutting.

That was of course until Sean Cameron hadn't been freaked out over my cutting, and had loved me. So instead I focused my love onto Sean. And it had been nice. I had felt so loved when he asked me to move in with him after my mother had almost burnt the house down. _Finally out of that shit hole house_. It had been nice to love and be loved, until one day it wasn't. The day of reporters, parents, Wasaga beach, and broken hearts. Even me proclaiming my love for him hadn't kept him from going back to Wasaga, for good. For a while I believed I just wasn't meant for love. That maybe it was better to hate than love, all love did was get you hurt anyway...

... Then summer came around. Ashley had went to England, leaving behind her broken-hearted boyfriend, Craig Manning. We had realized that we had both been heart-broken. Both been let down. I guess that's how we bonded. We had basically become best friends over the summer, which brought us to now.

Joey had gotten us a wedding gig. Downtown Sasquatch was finally going to perform and we were all really excited, especially Craig. He was always waiting and hoping for his 'big break'.

"So Ellie, we're performing tomorrow! How awesome is that?!" Marco grinned. I smiled and nodded.

"It is. It's gonna be really special, my first gig as Downtown Sasquatch's drummer and all." I said as we sat on my bed.

"So. I was thinking-"

"Uh oh Marco. You thinking? Not a good idea." I teased.

"Shut up." He playfully continued. "Ok, Since tomorrow is such a special day, I think you should dress up. And anyway, you gotta make the moves on Craig within this lifetime." He stated and I could feel my cheeks heat up. Had I mentioned that I might have developed at (not so) slight crush on Craig? And also that I could never hide anything from Marco. I bit my lip, not being able to think of a come back.

"Whatever Marco." I responded and he chuckled.

"Well you gotta show Craig your beautiful body somehow. With you wearing all those layers I'm surprised he doesn't think you're a guy!" He joked again and I punched his arm.

"Shut up! Just because I may have a little crush on Craig doesn't mean that I'm just gonna throw myself at him. I'm not Manny." I said defensively.

"And, there's no way I'm buying something dressy just to 'impress'." I added, determined not to care so much about what Craig thought.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"I can't believe you talked me into this." I hissed at Marco and we went through various dresses hanging on racks a few hours later.

"Oh stop, you know you wanted to. Now hush and pick out something sexy." He said. I glared at him and rolled my eyes. I wouldn't be caught dead in something 'sexy'.

"Ohhhh, look at this one Ellie." Marco cooed holding out a black corset top dress, the bottom of it looked shredded and completely me. On second thought, maybe I would.

I looked at myself in the mirror in my room after I had applied my dark makeup and put a hand through my wavy hair. Marco had already went to Craig's to help load up the band equipment. I took one last look at myself, I really hoped Craig would like this.

I walked down to Craig's house and spotted him and Marco coming from his house carrying a heavy speaker down his front steps.

"Need help?" I offered with a smile. Craig looked up and his mouth dropped open and he stopped moving. Butterflies filled my stomach with the way he was looking at me. He finally looked down as he realized he dropped the speaker on Marco's foot.

"Uh Craig." I heard Marco mutter. I looked passed them as my eyes widened. Manny Santos just had to walk up wearing the most ridiculously shiny outfit that was obviously two sizes to small for her. Craig seemed to have noticed because in the next second he was probably starting to drool at her. I looked down at the ground and rolled my eyes. How could she be here? She was NOT part of Downtown Sasquatch.

I glared as Manny strolled around on the stage of the party room in her skimpy little outfit, bugging the hell out of me. What a slut. Maybe that's what Craig liked. He had cheated with Manny before, so why not again when he's available? I bit my tongue, I wish he wasn't available, not to her anyway.

That was it, I couldn't take it any more! Watching her prance around with that damned tambourine, on OUR stage, it was too much. Adrenaline and anger were pumping through my veins as I chucked a drum stick at her head. It hit her head and she looked up as if something fell from the sky. What an air head. She finally realized it had come from behind her and looked to me, confusion on her face. I looked down sheepishly as she stalked over to me.

"Did you just throw a drum stick at my head?" She accused, glaring at me.

"You could feel it through all that hair spray? Amazing." I said sarcastically. The band had stopped playing and listened to our little banter. I glanced at Craig and saw confusion written all over his face. I huffed and stood up, marching off the stage and into the kitchen. Apparently Craig had followed me.

"Ellie, wait up!" He called after me. I turned around crossing my arms. He stopped in front of me.

"What was that all about?" He asked. I rolled my eyes and looked away from him. How could I tell him I was upset that he had invited Manny? He was figure me out and then I'd have to be broken-hearted again.

"I-it's...nothing." I hoped he'd get the hint that I didn't want to talk about it, but he either didn't get it or didn't care, because he pressed on.

"That wasn't nothing Ellie. Why'd you do that to Manny? Are you...upset that she's here?" He asked, oblivious to the true meaning behind my anger.

"Well kind of. She's not part of our band Craig, she shouldn't be here." I spat angrily.

"She was in the dumps with the thing that happened at school. I just thought it'd be nice to invite her." He stated. Ah yes, the school thing. The thing were she took her top off for a camera and then it got sent to everyone in Degrassi. She's not known as the school slut for nothing.

"What?" Craig questioned, narrowing his eyes a bit. Whoops, had I said that out loud? Oh well.

"Oh nothing. You just had to invite Manny Santos. Why is that Craig? Did you think you were gonna get lucky again with her? She obviously thinks so. But does that even matter? No, not to me at least." My thoughts were getting jumbled up and me speaking my mind wasn't something that happened often. I had just realized what I said when He raised and eyebrow and smirked slightly.

"Eleanor Nash. Are you..._jealous_?" He snickered with a knowing look. I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"Jealous? Of Manny? Please, why would I be jealous of her?" I asked, avoiding his gaze. He wasn't finding me out, he couldn't be. I didn't know if I could take rejection from him.

"Well maybe because you think I still love her. And...maybe you don't want that. Maybe you want me to love _you_." My eyes widened. He had spoken the truth. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I loathed. I ran. Usually I looked down on people who couldn't be strong enough to face their problems and ran instead. That's what my mother did. Instead of being strong and taking care of me, she ran and hid behind her bottles of booze, and I hated that. Huh, what a hypocrite I was. But I couldn't let Craig be right just to shoot me down. So I shook my head and turned around, ready to walk right out of the building.

"You wish." I stated. I wish, actually. As I turned though, a hand gripped my forearm. I looked back to Craig.

"Wait Ellie, don't go." He pleaded. My heart sped up and my hands began to get sweaty.

"Why not Craig? You're right ok. Is that what you want to hear, because it's true. Last year, I didn't think much of you. You were just my bestfriend's boyfriend who cheated on her. But...last summer, after we hung out, I got to know you, the real you. And, I like it. But Manny's here and-" I was cut off by Craig's lips. I was surprised at first, but quickly responded. I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing him closer. We pulled apart and I smiled wide.

"Well maybe I don't want Manny. Maybe I want you." I shivered as I felt his breath on my neck. My smiled turned into a smirk.

"Maybe?" I joked. He put his hand on my neck and kissed me harder this time, gently pushing his tongue into my mouth. I couldn't believe this was happening. Just yesterday I was denying a crush while searching for a dress to impress. He pulled back again.

"I want you, _definitely_." He decided. I looked down feeling the blush on my cheeks and looked back at him.

"Then you have me." I said, pulling him into another steamy kiss. Was it possible that I could actually see stars when I closed my eyes? He took my hand and led me back into the party room. As we passed Manny I couldn't help but notice her glare, and for once it was welcoming.

I finally got what I wanted; someone I loved and who loved me back.


End file.
